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Unslumping
By Margot | April 2, 2008
I have been in a Slump -the particular kind that Dr. Seuss refers to in his book OH THE PLACES YOU WILL GO: “And when your in a Slump you’re not in for much fun, Un-slumping yourself is not easily done”… “You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed I fear, toward a most useless place. The Waiting Place…for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.”
I feel like I’ve been waiting for the past two weeks but I’m not exactly sure what I’m waiting for. I was waiting for the radioligy report and then when we got it, I was waiting to hear from Dr. Harvey, the head of radioligy for his read on the radioligy report (don’t have that yet), then was waiting for the VMA/HVA numbers from last week: VMA 9.2 HVA 13.6 (more on that later). I was waiting for the LDH 706 and now I’m waiting for tomorrow’s blood numbers. I’ve been compulsively checking the Mikulak’s site and several of the other kiddos site’s waiting for their news and hanging on their every post. It has worn me out. I guess I’m really just waiting for someone to call or email or give me some numbers that essentially say “Sam is fine, don’t worry. Max is going to be fine and Austin is going to wake up and be fine and someone has found a cure that doesn’t have any side effects and all of the kids with cancer will be fine.”  How long must I wait for that?  Dr. Suess says, “No that’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.”  The one place where the Boom Bands are playing is with the boys. They are a Boom Band in themselves and keep me going.  Sometimes the band is out of tune and I’m the cranky director yelling yelling yelling but even then it’s never dull.
Sam is with Andy at school today. He had a half day and both boys have been plotting for him to go to school with Andy since Andy got to stay at school with Sam a month or so ago. I made Sam’s blood check for tomorrow instead of today so he could go with Andy. Andy’s teachers are very cool. I’m looking forward to getting the report on how it went.    Sam’s been feeling good and been very active. We went on a bike ride to the beach this past weekend and he spent all day at the park on Saturday. He’s still limping some, we’re going to Palm Springs for some swimming in a couple of weeks so I’m hoping that may be good physical therapy for him (at least it’ll be good mental therapy for all of us).  He asked me last week if I told Mrs. Emerson he’s not supposed to run for a while and I said yes and he said, “Oh, I think she forgot today in PE because I forgot (yeah right) during PE and I ran and she didn’t say anything.”  The higher numbers are worrisome of course and Neil and I are talking about a plan. We are looking to add some things to his regimen. I’ll keep you posted on that front we haven’t come to any major conclusions but are changing some things on the pill front.
Andy is doing fine. we’ve been playing Star Wars a lot (he watched the movies on the way to Arizona). It goes something like this. Andy wielding his light saber: “I loved you Annikin.” Me: “I loved you too Princess Amadala.” Andy: “Mom! I’M NOT PRINCESS AMADALA! Hello? I have a light saber here. I’m a boy! I’m Obi Won (sp). Me: “Oh oops. Sorry about that.” Andy: Ok, let’s try it again. I say “I loved you Annikin” and you say, “This is the end of you my master and then we fight and then you fall into the hot lava.”  I’m filling out the paperwork for his kindergarten registration for next year. I can’t believe it. It’s funny to fill out the paperwork now because when it asks me about “Your Child’s Strengths” I go on an on. Never ask a cancer mother about any of her children’s stregnths. I can just see the teachers rolling their eyes, “Ok who wants to deal with this one?”
Charlie boy is sweet and funny. He’s talking whole sentences now and loves to say “Mom Wa (watch)” and then he jumps off something or throws something or scribbles all over something. He’s very big into drawing but only wants to use blue for some reason. Joe and Jake were over on Monday afternoon and Charlie ran around after the boys in absolute heaven. He feels that he is totally in the mix even though he has no idea what’s actually going on. No one’s let him in the fact that he’s not actually five or seven years old yet.
I’m working on un-slumping. Even amidst all of this heartache as Dr. Seuss says, “There is fun to done.”
Margot
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Topics: Progress Reports | 5 Comments »
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:43 pm
You’ve captured a mood I get in from time to time. I can always tell because instead of thinking about what “IS” I keep coming back to what “SHOULD BE” and how unfair what “IS” is. I thought that about Sam and his casts, Erin and her back spasms, Max and progression, Austin Melgar and his entire situation, and so on. It’s hard to shake off but so destructive if you don’t. So here is my mantra for today “unslump, unslump, unslump, dear Margot.”
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:00 pm
You have captured the mindset that grips all of us fighting this battle from time to time. You have also confirmed my belief that Dr. Seuss was addicted to hallucinogenic drugs…but that is neither here nor there.
I like to think of it as living life while carrying a king size mattress everywhere you go.
April 5th, 2008 at 2:41 am
Margot,
You write beautifully and completely capture just how we feel as parents fighting this battle….
I always love reading everything you write….
thinking about you all!!!
love
rhonda dudley
http://www.caringbridge.org/tn/sydneymarie
April 5th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
margs-think of the slump as sam does..he doesnt think of it..just works the moment…keep working the moment…live in the moment..dont let expectation or anxiety get the best of the moment…
i know, easy for me to say..love all of you .tom
April 6th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I am a friend and blog reader of Will Lacey. I understand by reading your post how truly remarkable you and Will’s parents are as well as all the NB parents.