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Running with the Help of Friends….
By Margot | March 18, 2010
Though it was hard, yesterday was a good day. It was a beautiful day and the service was lovely. Thank you to all who came, we were overwhelmed with the turnout and it was a testament to how many lives our little boy touched.  Father Steven at St. Brigids was fantastic and his sermon was perfect. Neil and I traded off reading the eulogy with Andy providing commentary. I will post it below and we will post an audio version because Andy’s commentary is worth it. Charlie boy did so well during the service and he came up with us and placed Sam’s skateboard near the altar while Andrew placed his soccer ball.
We cremated Sam’s body this morning and it was hard hard. I don’t think we will ever do anything harder. His ashes will come home tomorrow in a simple mahogany box and then we will comission a soccer ball for his final resting place with us. Â
But we know that his final resting place is in our hearts. It is tough to accept that but we know it as true. Our families are still here to help us through this and we will need to find meaning so when they leave, we will be able to move and help Andy and Charlie.
We find inspiration in Sam. We know that if Sam were alive, he would be telling us to move, move or would get us out of the house or we would be playing a game. Do we live our life in honor of the bravest person we will ever know?Â
Below is the poem from Sam’s memorial card that was given at the service and then the eulogy. One funny thing – about 10 minutes into the Mass, Andrew had his ever-ubiquitous left-hand raised in his ever so polite manner. He had a question for Father Steven. Before we close, Charlie and Andrew will show us how to live – at the reception yesterday, they shook off their sorrow and eventually their shirts and shoes as well (Yikes! but it was 75 degrees and sunny in San Diego) and tossed the football around with a few other children.
Happy Memories
I’d like the memory of me
to be a happy one.
I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles
when day is done.
I’d like to leave and echo whispering
softly down the ways.
Of happy times and laughing times
and bright and sunny days.
I’d like the tears of those who grieve,
to dry before the sun
Of happy memories that I leave
when day is done.
Â
Eulogy
Thank you for coming today to celebrate our son and brother Sam. Friends and family helped shape who he was – and he was SO beautiful! We want to remember – as best we can- a bit about what made Sam Sam.
Sam was the bravest person we know. It’s almost a cliche to say that he was brave and a warrior but Sam had a style to his bravery like he had a style with everything he did. His courage was a quiet courage. He didn’t complain, he didn’t want to be in the spotlight, he didn’t even want his classmates to know where he was when he wasn’t in school. He didn’t want to be a quote unquote “cancer kid.” If the hospital were arranging a baseball game for all the kids with a ride in a limo to the game and it meant he would miss his soccer practice, he would choose soccer practice in a heartbeat. He wanted to be a regular kid and he didn’t want to shout to the world at how brave he was, or what he went through, he just wanted to get out there and get in the game.
When he was a baby people told us he had an old soul. He was always wise beyond his years. He had a wicked sense of humor and he always got the joke. His smile could light up a room but he also had a little wry smile when he thought something was funny. He loved to laugh whether at the Diary of a Wimpy Kid or about something someone else did. It was fantastic to get him laughing so hard he was crying. He was a genius at getting under people’s skin by teasing and he loved to poke, poke, poke until he got just the rise he was looking for.
From an early age he had amazing eye-hand coordination. He was just two when he was hitting the baseball without the tee up at Kate Sessions Park and people would walk by and ask us, “How old is that kid?” he had a three wheel scooter when he was a baby but our neighbor had a razor and he wanted to ride the razor, so by age two he was balancing on the razor with no problem and whizzing around our courtyard. At the same the time he was swimming across the pool by himself, and again people would always ask, “How old is he?” When it was time for a race in swimming class Sam would get a huge grin on his face – it was his favorite part. He was competitve at everything he did and he always wanted to win but somehow he managed to be that way and be nice about it.  He was the first of our little group of babies to walk and just about about as soon he walked, he ran. His favorite animal was a cheetah because it is the fastest animal alive.
Sam also had a great sense of space. He played chess with a sense and strategy that floored most people that played with him. We loved his little smile when he knew he had you on a move. I always think about him helping me to pack the car or fix something mechanical. I would be struggling with it and he would simply say, “Mom, you put that there, that there and this sideways” and it would always be a perfect fit. He could do Charlie’s transformers in two minutes with no problem after I’d thrown them down in frustration. He figured out how to use the triple word score in Scrabble every time and if you were on his team and offered him an eight point word suggestion, he would say, “No, no, let me think.” because he was always going for the thirty pointer. Because he was in the hospital a lot, he had a lot of video game playing time and he was fantastic at almost every game. It was so funny to see the little smile come to his face when he would meet someone in the hospital or a new friend would come over and say, “I’m really good at this game.” They were rarely a match for Sam. When he wasn’t able to do sports, he was always able to win at video games.
Soccer was his true love as a sport and even when he had lost his speed and his hair, he was out there on that soccer field and usually his dribbling skills were such that he could play at the same level or better than everyone out there.  I think there was only one season out of all the years that he played soccer when he didn’t score a goal. And oh, the cheers that went up when he scored!
Sam loved art and was so detailed about everything he drew. We remember him on our back patio as a one year-old working away at his easel covered in paint and smiling and later doing much more advanced art at the hospital and at home. His eye for detail was amazing. He always knew what someone looked like or what they were wearing and when people came to me and said hello and couldn’t remember if they were from the hospital or soccer or school or swimming, he would say, “Mom, that is so and so’s mom, he was on my soccer team three years ago.” The week before he died Neil was wearing new running shoes that he’d had for a while but never worn and Sam -lying on the couch after having us change his medication – looked at them and said, “Dad, are those new shoes?’ He was an amazing gift giver. He could pick out gifts for people that were just perfect. He was such and observer that he knew what people would want. Sometimes it was a five hundred dollar gift, but it was always spot on for the person it was being bought for. In that same vein he was a listener, even with limited hearing he wanted to hear what you said and he remembered it. He loved to hear “Sam Stories” that Neil and I would make up when he was a baby and then we amended them to “Sam, Andy and Charlie Stories.”  He loved to listen to me read to him in the hospital. he would groan if someone came over to talk to me during Percy Jackson and start poking me and commanding, “Read!”
A huge part of what made Sam – Sam, was being a big brother. He was the quintessential big brother! He loved his brothers fiercely and he never missed the opportunity to bring them something when he was out, to tell them what to do, to teach them something, to fight with them like only brothers can fight and to laugh and play with them. He always wanted to know where Andrew was and what he was doing and if he was home yet from school if he was at the hospital.  He was his best friend and his confidant and it was so wonderful to stand outside the door of their room at night and listen to them talk and laugh and tease each other about girls. He called Charlie, “Baby Dude” and he was so good with him and he loved to laugh at him. He used to love for us to tell him funny Charlie and Andy stories if we had been home to see them and he was at the hospital. When Charlie was first born Sam was so gentle and good with him and loved to play with him. Some of our favorite pictures are of Sam holding Mr. Baby Dude making him laugh when he was a baby. Sam absolutely adored Andrew and Charlie.
Sam loved skateboarding and snowboarding and everything cool. He was taking skateboarding lessons at four and karate at five.
He had a sense of clothing style that was somehow innate.  He was cutting edge and always about the brands and the brand new shoes. He loved school with a passion and as most kids ask, “Can I stay home from school today?” Sam always asked, “Can I go to school today?” He wanted us to schedule all of his appointments after school if possible and he would get angry if it was a short appointment and we didn’t schedule it after lunch recess.  In his five years of school he never got his card pulled once and he was horrified when Andrew got his card pulled the first time this year.  He loved all of his teachers and his classmates and would always say, “Really, why?” if someone in his class didn’t like someone else. He had hearing aids and an FM system and never wanted to tell anyone if things weren’t working and he couldn’t hear so he faked it until the teachers would finally ask him, “Sam, can you hear me?”
Sam was also a gourmet eater and he always, always wanted to go out to dinner or breakfast or lunch versus staying home. We would joke when Sam was in the hospital that he would always give us “The Food Network Challenge” to go out and find him a chicken breast sandwich with avocado, tomato, and cheese on ciabatta bread and a piece of chocolate cake for dessert.  Or, he’d want us to get three separate things that we’d have to go to three different restuarants for. He loved avocados, pomegranates, salmon, artichokes, and his all-time favorite – tacos. he was a bit like Sally in Harry Met Sally in that he was very particular about everything he ordered and usually there was a twist to whatever was on the actual menu.
On the day he died we told him that he wasn’t going to be sick anymore. He was going to be able to run with the cheetahs and hear and see and breathe freely and eat anything he wants. We know he is up there running in heaven with a huge smile on his face.
People will want to know how we will move on. We don’t really know but we have a thought.  There is a mountain of sadness in our hearts now that Sam is gone. We are not quite sure if that will ever go away. Our commitment is that every day, we as a FAMILY, will build a mountain of love and fun to even exceed the sadness.
So we hope that everyone will take away Sam’s brightness of spirit and make sure you apply it in your own lives…
We love and continue to love Sam with all our hearts. He loved life and he loved his brothers Andrew and Charlie. And for that, we are the most blessed parents and brothers on earth.
We want to close by speaking directly to Andrew and Charlie – your brother loved you more than anything in the world and he would want you to live every minute and get out there and get in the game.Â
As his brothers and friends loved to say:
SAM YOU ROCK!!!!!!!
Topics: Progress Reports | 22 Comments »
March 18th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
so beautiful
tears and more tears…and yet more
the mountain of sadness will be indeed surpassed by the great love of the most beautiful parents and the bravest of brothers
LOVE YOU
March 18th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Neil, Margot, Andy and Charlie, I had tears streaming down my face and yet a smile on my lips as I read of Sam’s bright spirit. One is left truly wanting to bring as much of that spirit to your own life as you can. We mourn for the loss of such a bright and shining star who lived life with such zest. But we know that he will live on in our hearts and lives forever. He certainly knew, as you all do, how to enjoy every moment and make even the ordinary ones special. May you find comfort in being surrounded by the love and support of family and friends and the kind words and prayers of those who can not be with you at this time.
With much Love, Lisa
March 18th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
I’m crying at my desk and just in awe of Sam’s zest for life. What a beautiful tribute to your boy. Sam’s life was really a life well lived.
March 18th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
It strikes me that Sam and Erin and Erik and all the NB kids that I follow are incredible kids – as if they all know something that we just don’t and to have the capacity to pack in so much living in such a short time. Having followed Sam for about a year I knew that he was every inch of that incredible and unique person, but to hear it all in one place – you just can’t catch your breath trying to keep up with him (and his family) he indeed is the fastest angel in heaven. May his life be an inspiration for all of us.
March 18th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
So sorry I couldn’t be there. Your eulogy was such and amazing glimpse into who Sam was….thank you for that. This site has always been a gift to me. Before Nate died it was a place to come for information as well as a look into another family trying so hard to balance cancer with having a normal life. After Nate died I must confess I found myself living through this site somehow. Every milestone Sam, Andy and Charlie encountered would find me wondering about Nate where he had been and where he might have gone if he had lived. Thank you for allowing me into your lives…..
Love
Abra
March 18th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Margot & Neil,
I don’t have words to express the heaviness in my heart. I have laughed and cried with you guys on this blog since you began posting. Sam’s life and the way that your family stepped up to the challenges given you, has been an inspiration to us all. You have made me strive to be the best parent that I can be and to live life to its fullest every day. Know that you are all in my heart and in my thoughts all the time.
Much love, Jennifer
March 19th, 2010 at 12:36 am
Dear ones,
I am new to Warrior Angel Sam’s site. I want to extend my deepest sympathy to all of you in the loss of this amazing Child of God. Sam’s amazing legacy lives forever and nothing can tarnish or dminish it in the hearts and minds of those who knew him or the lives he touched through this site or other means.
May the Lord’s loving promises to comfort you give you strength as you walk through this difficult time.
My sympathies,
Ms. Polly @ Angel_Wings Prayer Warriors
P.S. I see the familiar names of so many warriors and warrior-ettes who are part of our Angel_Wings families. ♥
March 19th, 2010 at 12:58 am
Your words are so powerful. Following your journey along the way… it is as if I knew Sam… we often say… “an old soul with a little Huck Finn”.. Sam was possibly…”an old soul with a little Shawn White…” Siezing each day… each opportunity to live life to its fullest. What an awesome child, awesome parents and incredible siblings…. In tears… and so mad at this disease… Ann
March 19th, 2010 at 1:42 am
wow. what an incredible eulogy for an amazing boy. you were and are an amazing family. Although I have never met any of you in person, over the years I came to feel I knew you very well, and eventually I began to think of you as part of “my” “family.” It has been a privilege to follow your journey, and although I have shed many many tears on this journey, “knowing” sam and you has given me countless smiles, a new appreciation of life, and many insights into the meaning of love and family. Thank you for sharing Sam and your lives, and I hope you will continue to include us. Sending prayers, love, and more love, and hoping someday I get to embrace the Hutchinson family in person. Shirley
March 19th, 2010 at 2:17 am
I am so grateful for every visit we pulled off Margot. They add up and I feel like I knew Sam. I think the last time I saw you I had jack with me and was just pregnant with Molly. I have pix of the boys together and am so thankful. As a mom of a precious boy my heart cries for all of you.
Miranda
March 19th, 2010 at 3:25 am
Wow, reading your beautiful words brought tears to my eyes. My heart continues to ache for you. Your words are insiprational and courageous.
Sam – may you enjoy all that you love in heaven.
My family wishes you all the best.
March 19th, 2010 at 3:43 am
love sam, love you all. what an amazing boy. the words you told him bring me to tears. i can’t imagine hearing anything more comforting. sending you wishes for strength and love, mooki
March 19th, 2010 at 4:31 am
I have been following Sam’s blog for many, many months now and I sit here now with such a heavy heart. I feel like I knew Sam and as strange as it sounds coming from a stranger, I loved him too. I have followed many NB children for many years but there was just something about Sam that made me want to do more. This past spring I raised almost $1000 for the NB alliance and honored Sam and Will in my fundraising requests. I was glad to have been able to do my little bit to fight this beast. God bless you and your family.
March 19th, 2010 at 5:12 am
I cannot tell you what a heavy heart I have. I do not have the right words, mostly because I tend to have a foot in my mouth. What I will say is that everytime I see a bouncing redhead, I will think of Sam and his exuberance for life! I will remember his love and care for his brothers and friends, and I will think of a love that surpasses all.
My heart breaks for your family and for what you are going through. As you said in your post: Sam would have been telling you to move…I like to think of Winston Churchill When you’re going through hell, keep going.
Sending you thoughts, and prayers, and wishing you grace, strength and above all Love.
Ruth
March 19th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Neil, you said you were looking for signs that Sam was OK. Weren’t Charlie and Andy with their shirts off EXACTLY what Sam would have wanted them doing? 🙂
Sam will send you signs, but you also have to make sure you are receptive to seeing them!
Your family continues to be in our thoughts and prayers.
Andy
March 19th, 2010 at 6:07 pm
Neil and Margot – although we’ve never met, and until this week, had not heard of Sam, I just felt it was important to write you to tell you what an amazing job you’ve done in memorializing, and honoring your son. What a touching recount of what surely was the most difficult day in your lives, and for sharing your thoughts, and your memories with us, I just wanted to say Thank You. May God bless you and your family, and know that Sam, and all the wonderful memories you have of him, will be with you forever.
March 20th, 2010 at 1:49 am
The memorial was very touching and loving. My littel Savannah even got a tissue and dabbed her eyes like I was 🙂 I think I used a whole box! I am so sad for all of you. I know one day it will not hurt as much and will say prayers that you all can get through it. Wishing you all love! Angela (Madison’s Mom)
March 20th, 2010 at 2:59 am
Dear Margot, Neil, Andy and Charlie. My heart is broken and the tears won’t stop. I became a member of the “Chemo Angel” organization in December of 2003 and was assigned a male adult to angel. Then on January 31, 2005, I accepted little 4 1/2 year old Sammy as my first child chemo patient to angel. I fell in love with this spunky little red-headed “angel”. Yes, he was the angel, not me. All of you have been a part of my life ever since. I am a Hospice RN and followed all of Sam’s ups and downs over the years and I knew. I knew what was coming, yet there was never a day that you didn’t plan and live life as if there would be at least one more day, one more chance to beat this ugly, hateful monster called cancer. You had enough hope and faith to make me forget what I knew in my heart and I wasn’t prepared. I see death and dying every day and I wasn’t prepared. You have got to be the most wonderful parents any child could ask for. In that first information sheet I received from Chemo Angels five years ago, you mentioned Sam’s zest for life, his favorite colors and his beloved sports. You said that everyone who knew Sammy loved him. You were right on. You guys rock too! God bless. Love, Angel Mary
March 20th, 2010 at 3:55 am
Dear Neil and Margot,
The mass at St. Brigid’s was lovely and beautiful, just like your family and Sam!
Nick and I were grateful to be there and celebrate and give thanks for the gift of Sam. He is eternally in our hearts and minds and has left long lasting impressions and memories for us and for Claire, Andrew, Joey and Elizabeth. He will never be forgotten and always be our hero!
In time, we pray for the mountains of sadness to dissipate and be covered in joy and enthusiasm as Andy and Charlie continue to shower you with more love and more memories. They will carry on Sam’s zest for life and “all things cool” ! 😉
We admire your strength, your courage and your positive attitudes through the years … that will never diminish either.
We wish you peace and comfort, every day, every week, every month. Our friendship is here for you always, we only wish we could take away your pain.
with love,
Colleen & Nick
March 20th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
Forgot to mention that the night of the funeral- at dinner- Madison prayed for her friend Sam and that God would hold him in his arms forever. Angela (Madison;s Mom)
March 29th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
I have cried and laughed and enjoyed your writings about Sam and family. Words can’t describe my feelings of sorrow for all of you. U are an amazing family. God had a plan when U decided to go to Cal. Neil and that was to meet Margot. She seems like a great gal – When I had my mastectomy, Sr. Eleanor from St Pat’s gave me a leaflet that said “Let Go, and Let God” as she knew I was worried, etc. It’s been 27 yrs for me and I thank God for giving me the yrs. So “Let go and Let God” Just put the ball in his court and let Him worry about it. Take care and still praying for U all. (Mike’s Mom)
July 12th, 2010 at 4:42 am
I’m in tears reading about Sam and your family. I am so blessed that you chose to share your struggles and joys with Sam with the world in this website. I stumbled upon it by accident, and I can’t stop reading.
I am a Catholic minister who has been around a lot of suffering children, and they have usually been the ones most at peace with their given lot. The families have to carry on, and that is always the harder part.
I want you to know that my parish of St. Martha in Murrieta, CA will keep your family in our prayers. Sam was a wonderful kid, and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. I hope you will continue to a source of hope and consolation for others. I have been blessed just in the casual reading of your website. I thank you heartedly, and I thank Sam. I know he is praying for you and your family as he is with God.
Peace,
Scott Fitzgerald
Director of Music/RCIA
St. Martha Catholic Church
Murrieta, California