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A Gold Balloon
By Margot | May 4, 2010
Andy and Charlie at the Lego store at Disneyland
Sam running ahead at age one
Since I can’t really bring myself to post pictures of the boys without pictures of Sam, I’m going to post a picture from Sam’s All Star slide show or pictures that people send that I hadn’t seen yet to go along with new photos of Charlie and Andy.
We all had a great time at Disney. It was a good get away and the boys were so excited to go into the park that Andy woke up four times in the middle of the night and said, “Mom, mom, am I going to wake up in time for Disneyland?” He was up for good at 5:50 that morning and we were about the third family in line when the doors opened to the park. It was a little chilly and since it was a Tuesday, there weren’t that many people. I think we hit about every ride. Andy’s favorite was California Screamin’ which I have to say is a good choice.  Charlie loved Toon Town but said “It’s a Small World” was too babyish for him. He went on Pirates of the Carribean and The Jungle Cruise and was on The Matterhorn but hopped off before it got going.  Â
We’ve been doing basketball and soccer with Andy and signed Charlie up for fall soccer next year. Andy was a rock star in his last game and scored four goals and had an assist that just about killed him to give. He had dribbled the ball all the way down the field and there was a boy (also Andy) on his team right next to him with no one in front of the goalie and the other Andy asked our Andy “Can I score this one?” Andy said sure and passed him the ball. I was very proud of him but he made sure to tell everyone afterwards that he really had five goals but gave one away. It was kind of funny.    His class named one of their brand new chicks after Sam (Speedy Sam) and Andy says that’s his favorite.  We start Grief street tonight from 6 to 9 and I think it’ll be good for Andy. The other day we were somewhere and I was telling someone about our three boys and Andy put his hand over my mouth before I could say Sam died. I think sometimes he doesn’t want to be “that kid.”   He doesn’t have any problems talking about Sam at home though. It is odd how many times I’ve had THE QUESTION about how many kids we have or how old they are. I’ve answered it in different ways to different people sort of depending on the situation but I get a bit of a panic attack each time someone asks. I’m not all that good of a “group sharer” (eaiser for me to write things you lucky readers ;-)) so we’ll see how it goes for me tonight.
Today is teacher appreciation day and Charlie and I were at Vons before school getting some flowers for the teachers and directors of his school.  While the lady was wrapping up the flowers Charlie saw there was a balloon bin with all different colors and he said, “I want a balloon.”  I asked if he wanted Green, his current favorite color and he said “No, I want this gold one here.” So I asked the lady to add a balloon to our tab and she filled it up and put some weights on the bottom. As soon as we walked into the parking lot Charlie said, “Sam is going to love this. I’m going to let it go.” He let it go but didn’t understand it wouldn’t go anywhere with the weights on and so I snapped off the weights and up went the balloon to Sam.  Charlie was so pleased with himself. He said on the way to school that Sam could share the balloon since it’s gold but that he gets the first turn with it. He totally surprised me because I thought he wanted it for himself. Â
Charlie’s school is having a book sale to benefit MagicWater and Kate Sessions is starting the Coins for a Cure this month as well.Â
We went for a bike ride to the beach yesterday and it was such a beautiful day. It was great to get the boys out and they loved it. Charlie was done so Neil and Andy rode back to get the car and pick us up and Charlie and I rode back part way and swung on the little yellow swing in a front yard that I used to swing Sammy on when he was little on our way to and from the beach.  We think of him a million times a day and my emotions tend to ambush me when I least expect it. We are still getting pictures and little stories that I hadn’t heard before and that is awesome. I love it.
Thanks for checking in, I will let you know if I gain any insights from counseling.
Margot
Topics: Progress Reports | 17 Comments »
May 5th, 2010 at 12:22 am
I bet Sam’s loving that balloon! Prayers for you all.
May 5th, 2010 at 1:43 am
What a sweet little brother Sam and Andy have. I hope the grief counseling helps a little teeny tiny bit. Thinking of you guys-
carrie palmer
May 5th, 2010 at 3:42 am
Hi Margs-thinking of another Because Of Sam contribution-empathy.
Andy sharing the soccer ball is huge-his drive to win is without peer. But it seems to me that Sam’s struggle and Andy’s participation in the family’s fight against cancer has helped shape Andy’s world view.
And Charlie-a balloon for Sam from Charlie…
Remarkable..empathy for others at this age.
I know this sounds like a cliche but Sam lives in the lives of others. His brothers. Two good men to carry the memory and the flame.
Love you all.
May 5th, 2010 at 4:52 pm
Hope the counseling helped a little. Always thinking about you guys and love to hear about Andy and Charlie and the little moments in their lives. When they are older and read all these posts they will be forever grateful to you and Neil for documenting the little things. Because while there are certainly all kinds of big things in life, it’s the little moments that are most special and you have such a knack for noticing them!
May 5th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
‘Love the story about the balloon! Also-in the one year old pic of Sam-look who’s out in front (always)
May 5th, 2010 at 10:53 pm
Margot, you continue to inspire me. I just wanted to share something about THE QUESTION. My Mom passed away in May 1981 from a 2 year battle with cancer. (I was also 7 and in first grade so I feel a certain kinship with Andy.) When I talk to someone I don’t know well and they find out that my Mom has died, it is still awkward, even after almost 30 years. So I can relate with Andy not wanting to be “that kid.” I felt that way all through school.
I was so happy to hear about Speedy Sam. He’s David’s favorite chick too!
I heard a saying the other day, and Sam immediately came to mind. It was “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Sam taught all of us, even those of us that didn’t know him very well, so much. Thanks for sharing with us.
May 6th, 2010 at 10:36 am
Oh Margot, I think of you all, all the time…..I hope you don’t mind me checking in on you….life is so unfair….. you are truly a beautiful girl, I wish you so much happiness here on in xx
(Paul & Kari’s friend in Australia)
May 6th, 2010 at 1:14 pm
M- its been 10 years, and it is still Akward for ME when someone asks me how many siblings I have. I STILL say “I have 5 siblings…1 sister and 4 brothers” even though Steve has been gone for 10 years.
Andy might be wanting to ‘protect’ you from having to say ‘those words’… I am sure it’s hard for him to know that ‘words’ make your mommy and daddy feel sad. I know that even in our late 20’s we would try to protect my parents from having to answer questions about Steve.
I don’t have ay words of wisdom – just do what feels right. 🙂
May 6th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Thinking alot about Sam lately. Feeling for you guys. Angela (Madison’s Mom)
May 8th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Margot, Andy and Charlie make me smile and as you know right now smiles helped to lift all our spirits. They feel so good.
Charlie..sending the balloon to Sam..I just love that.
Always thinking of you all,
Lisa mom to Melina
May 9th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Marg’s- On this Mother’s Day, take pride in how you protected Sam, fought for him, stood up to bureaucracies, insurance companies and stood with Neil as you charted the next best choice for Sam.
It was a tough go but your actions were an inspiration to many-a role model for mom’s everywhere.
Honored to know you. Cant think of any luckier boys than Sam and Andy and Baby Charlie.
May 10th, 2010 at 2:24 am
Just wanted to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day Margot and let you know I am still thinking of you and praying for you guys. You are a wonderful mom and deserve this special day!
BTW, kids continue to amaze me…little Charlie and such a simple yet precious gesture of sending a balloon to his brother…wow…what can you say to that. What a sweetheart!
May 10th, 2010 at 4:45 am
Happy Mother’s Day to one of the finest around, Margot!!!!!!
I hope you weren’t too sad today, missing Sammy’s face on this special day…
I was thinking of you and praying for you in church this morning… and Claire Marie included all of you in her special intentions at the dinner table…
here’s hoping that you and Neil feel Sam’s love each and every moment! Hugs to you both, and of course, sweet Charlie and Andy!!
Colleen
May 12th, 2010 at 3:06 am
Margot,
Therapy for you I believe is something you give to all of us that read your blog…You are an amazing woman who has so much to offer…Your children are so fortunate to have you and Sam couldn’t have asked for better during his time here on this Earth…May you find peace in knowing how much you give to others and hopefully you find healing from reading messages from all those that visit you each day. You do not walk this journey alone. PEACE
May 13th, 2010 at 4:49 am
Thinking of all of you! I love the balloon story. What special boys you have! God Bless, Love, Ellen
http://www.caringbridge.org/ma/seanhanson
May 16th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Just checking on you and wanting to share that I wasn’t completely truthful when I filled out my census form.
Vickie
May 25th, 2010 at 6:14 am
Madison has been bringing in coins for a cure money (though she feels sad every time she does) and our little Savannah also wanted too. She brought in all the coins in her piggy bank in a plastic baggy in which she glued a green stone on the plastic bag. She told me tonight that Sam must be rich and was in money heaven. I just thought it was funny how she said it. She also told me she was allergic to the wind 🙂 She has been talking about sam alot lately and then Madison gets sad and says she does not want to talk about it. Hope you guys are hanging in there… Angela (Madisons Mom)