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Still Swimming Though Sometimes Through Tears
By Margot | May 17, 2010
Last Friday marked nine weeks and the 12th last week was two months.  We have been to two nights of grief counseling so far. The first night we all just did an art project as a family and the boys liked that and the second night we just sat around and talked about what we should talk about in the next six sessions.  Charlie was asleep on my lap the whole time and Andy was in his group but he hated it because instead of putting him in “the middles” 7-10 they switched the littles to 4 to 7. There were only two 7 year-old girls and Andy and a lot of 4 year-olds. Our counselor said she’d make sure he is switched up tomorrow night.  He makes stuff dedicated to Sam at school. Last week it was “Sam bucks”  pretend dollars and ten dollars with “Sam You Rock” on them.  We’ve been busy ferrying him from sport to sport, swimming, basketball and soccer. Yesterday was his last soccer game and he scored two goals and his second goal broke the 3-3 tie so he was very excited and happy. Grandpa and Grandma Steevie are in town and Andy has been playing a lot of chess with Grandpa. I think it’s becoming his life goal to beat him ;-).Â
Charlie has been swimming and going to school and playing with Jett.  He talks about Sam all the time and looks up into the sky at night and says that Sam is sitting on the brightest star. When he gets scared at night before bed he says, “Oh yeah, I forgot, the vampires can’t get me because Sam pretects me.”  He likes the idea of having a guardian angel.  We’ve been babysitting Rosco for the past few days and Charlie just loves him. He gets up and sees Rosco and smiles.
I have been trying to stay as busy as possible - not too hard lately with end of the year stuff for the boys - and to exercise because running and hitting the tennis ball helps for some reason. Aside from missing Sam and his laugh and his sense of humor terribly, it is very odd to have suddenly gone backwards in “mom years.” I went from having a fourth grader a first grader and a preschooler to not having the fourth grader and though I still feel like the veteran mom with a nine year-old and I still say, “Well when Sam did that, this happened. “  I can’t imagine the day when Andy get’s older then Sam ever was and I won’t say that anymore. I was booking tickets to New Mexico for this summer and looked up our Southwest account there was Sam’s frequent flyer number at the top of the notes. Somehow documents with Sam’s name on them bring me to my knees and I booked the tickets with tears streaming down my face. Also, it’s our first plane ride without Sam. It’s going to be hard. Especially because we did so much traveling with him last summer.
Neil has been going through all the pictures and backing up the videos and cleaning out books and papers we don’t need any more. He’s been making quite a bit of progress.
We are being interviewed today by someone from the La Jolla newspaper who saw some publicity about the book sale Charlie’s preschool had in honor of Sam. They raised over $400!  Pretty awesome for one and two dollars per book. I’ll put up a link to that if we make the news. Also have the slideshow ready for YouTube so that should go up this week.
Thanks for checking in on us. Please keep all of the kids still fighting in your prayers.Â
Margot
Topics: Progress Reports | 14 Comments »
May 17th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
thinking of you all…I know that you will tread water if needed and that somehow you will keep everyone afloat. Let me know your NM travel dates and I’ll see what I can do about getting aloft as well. Jan
May 17th, 2010 at 11:35 pm
You are still and always will be in my daily thoughts and prayers. I check this site daily. Sometimes 2 or 3 times a day to see if you have added anything. You guys really amaze me. You have such love and zest for life and living while fighting deperately to stay afloat when all the while the grief is trying to pull you under. You are such an inspiration to others. If you’re not in the news, you should be. I love you all and will always be Sam’s Angel Mary and now he will always be my Angel Sam.
May 18th, 2010 at 1:41 am
Marg’s
Last weekend I took an advanced first aid class-two days worth- and when we got to the CPR part I had such terrible flashbacks about Sam and March 12. Started crying myself. Crying now, thinking about it.
I have been using this abbreviated koan to help me when I start crying about Sam and the other kids. Or when I think of Redman, you, Andy and Baby Charlie. It goes like this:
Stand up.(All the way up)
Straight.
Smile.
This abbreviated koan makes me think that we simply have to take life in this moment, as it comes, we my as well take it with pride, that which we have no control over.
These are difficult times for you and your family and know that there continues to be legions of people who pray for Sam’s soul, your family, our family, the whole world.
Because of Sam.
May 18th, 2010 at 4:16 am
Jake has been making “Sam Dollars” in school and at home too. I thought they were sand dollars until I saw the smiley face and “You Rock”…Jake says you can buy anything with them 🙂
May 19th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
thinking about you guys. always!!
xo
deb
May 19th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Your family is – as always – on my mind. Let me know if Neil wants a hand digging through stuff and purging. That’s an area I can help with! S
May 20th, 2010 at 2:55 am
Neil and Margot,
I look at the picture of your three boys and think of my own three boys. I hate that we are now part of another club together. Thank you Neil for responding to my plea for help back in February about hemoragic cysitis. My prayers are with your family. I hope that you can feel heaven’s peace and comfort. The strength of prayers and our faith is what is pulling us through.
May 20th, 2010 at 4:25 am
Thinking of all of you with love and prayers for moments of peace. As always, humbled and in awe of your strength.
May 20th, 2010 at 5:05 am
Hi Margot and Neil,
You are in our daily thoughts and prayers… let us know if you’re in
the La Jolla paper.
Kisses and strength to you both,
xo, Colleen
May 20th, 2010 at 5:56 am
Lots of thoughts and prayers….
May 21st, 2010 at 7:03 pm
I don’t often comment but I followed your family’s journey through this website via Max’s website. When I found out little Sam had passed I gasped. You are a strong family and I don’t know I could ever do it with the grace that you have. My husband and I keep you, your family, and Sam in our hearts constantly. Just know you have hundreds of hands holding yours when the times get tough…it’s just different than usual because you can’t see them. But we are here. We are here to help carry the burden.
May 25th, 2010 at 12:32 am
Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
May 25th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Just thinking of you guys. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
May 27th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
Dear Margo, Neil,Andrew, Charlie, I wanted you all to know How much it was a pleasure to teaching swimming to Sam and Andrew, Charlie..When I saw the newspaper today, I had to write to all of you..Sam was a inspiration to me.. your family touch my heart and I will always remember how much fun it was teaching the boys to swim. Sam will live in your hearts forever. I am Thinking of you in my thoughts,prayers, your swimming teacher, Marion